Job 2:11 Now when Job’s three friends heard of all this evil that was come upon him, they came every one from his own place; Eliphaz the Ternanite, and Bildad the Shuhite, and Zophar the Naamathite: for they had made an appointment together to come to mourn with him and to comfort him.

Job had just lost his wealth, his health, and his family. However, although he had lost so much, he still had three friends who desired to still be with him even though he had lost all. These friends could not expect a lavish dinner in the house of a prince. These friends were not treated to royal treatment because they were friends of Job.

Jesus tells the story of the Prodigal Son. In that story, the prodigal son has many friends as he spends his father’s wealth. However, once his wealth was wasted, the friends were no more. Solomon tells us that a rich man has many friends. Even though Job had lost everything he owned, even though his face was not easy to look at, these three men put it on their schedule to come and visit Job at an appointed time to help mourn with Job his great demise.

When these friends reached Job, so great was his boils that they did not even recognize him. For seven days and seven nights they sat by him and kept their mouths shut because they could see how great the grief of Job was. For seven days, these friends were wise beyond their years because they simply kept their mouths shut and just simply remained friends with Job.

While we know that these men did eventually give miserable advice to Job, there is much that they did do that we fail to give them credit for. How many of us would travel a great distance to see a friend who was going through a difficult time? How many of us would spend seven days sitting outside not saying a word to our friend? Most of us would not waste 30 minutes before we would start lecturing our friend on how we saw their problem.

We are all guilty of it; we all have imposed our view of what is happening to someone. We are not different than Job’s friends. Sometimes we need to learn to be patient and allow God to speak through us. Rather than jumping to conclusions, maybe seven days of not saying a word might just open our eyes to what really is going on around us.

God had blessed Job with three friends who did not turn their back on Job. These friends were willing to remain silent and simply mourn with Job as he suffered through his grief. When someone is grieving, we do not have to always offer an explanation as to what is going on. While Job’s three friends were wise for a period of time, when they did open their mouths, they created all sorts of problems for themselves that they never needed to create.

There are many wise proverbs about keeping your mouth shut. However, we must always remember that when God tells us to open our mouths, that is not the time to exercise patience and keep our mouth shut. Do not be in a hurry to open your mouth and offer advice to others, instead, be patient and allow God to develop the right words to come out of your mouth.

You will never know all the circumstances about why God allowed something to happen to a friend. Learn to be slow of speech when it comes to giving advice to others. Job was going through a special set of circumstances and your friends may also experience difficult trials that they are not able to understand. It is in these difficult times that you must rely upon the wisdom from above and allow God to guide your mouth.

Proverbs 18:24 A man that hath friends must show himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother.

David and Jonathan had a close friendship. Jonathan was in line to be the next king of Israel, yet he loved David so much, he was willing to give up his kingdom because he understood that David was called by God to be king. Jonathan was not concerned about his own power and prestige. On several occasions, Jonathan helped spare the life of David. Jonathan did not have to do anything, in fact, doing nothing would have been in his best interest.

During your life, you may have some pretty close friends. Friends who you can share your deepest and darkest secrets with. However, there is a Friend who desires to have a close relationship with you. HE has already acted in order to show HIS great love towards you, it is now up to you to see if you are going to show yourself friendly.

Jesus loves you so much that HE died on the cross for you. HE desires to be your friend. However, do you desire to be a friend of Jesus? Are you willing to do what it takes to accept the friendship of Jesus?

Jonathan and David should have been natural enemies. They were rivals for the exact same position. Likewise, because of our sin nature, it is not natural for us to be friends of God. Sin has created a great gap between you and God. Just as Jonathan and David ignored common sense and developed a great relationship, so too must you be willing to accept the gift of God and be willing to turn from your sinful ways so that you can have a relationship with God once again.

What does it mean to be a friend of God? Abraham was a friend of God. God did not have to tell Abraham what he was about to do to Sodom and Gomorrah but HE did. Abraham had a relationship with God that permitted him to negotiate with God over how many righteous men would have to dwell in Sodom before God would spare the entire community. Because Abraham was a friend of God, Abraham did not have just a one way conversation with God, but instead, he was able to have normal conversations.

God desires a much deeper relationship with you then you have at this time. You are only as close to God as you allow yourself to get. God has not changed, yesterday, today, or forever. God has not moved, it is sin that has caused you to move away from God. It is only as you draw closer to God that HE will draw nigh unto you.

Think of God as Mount Everest. Right now, you are a long way from Mount Everest. It is a long and difficult journey to reach the top of Mount Everest. However, it can be done and many have done it. The same is true with God, just as Mount Everest is not going anywhere, neither is God. The determination that it takes to climb the mountain should be the same determination that you put into becoming a friend of God. It might seem easier to just not climb the mountain or to draw closer to God, but the rewards of persevering are truly spectacular.

You must purpose in your heart that drawing nigh unto God is the goal of your life. Just as an individual who is about to climb Mount Everest will study the mountain, so too must you study the Word of God in order to understand the ways of God. The more you add knowledge of the ways of God to your life, the easier it will be for you to be a friend of God. God is waiting for you, are you coming?

Acts 16:14 And a certain woman named Lydia, a seller of purple, of the city of Thyatira, which worshipped God, heard us: whose heart the Lord opened, that she attended unto the things which were spoken of Paul.

Lydia was a religious woman. If you had asked her if there was a God, she would have responded in the affirmative. She not only believed that there was one God, but she worshipped him. Yet nonetheless, even though she worshipped God, there was something missing in her relationship with God. When Lydia heard the words of Paul, God reached down from heaven and HE opened her heart and she developed a whole new relationship with God.

Think about the different friends that you have. You may have people who you see everyday who you say hi to but that is about it. This could be someone like your mail carrier. You know who the person is, but you really do not know who they are. You may have friends who you know on a more casual basis. You know a little bit more about them, but then again, you would probably never go on a vacation trip with them. You probably would not share with them your deepest problems. Then there is the true friend; one whom you have spent time developing a close relationship with. This friend you are willing to bare your burden to seek their advice and counsel. Not everyone can be a deep close friend like this.

Your relationship with God is the same. You can treat God like your mail carrier. A quick hi every now and then. You recognize HIM but you do not have any relationship. Your relationship with God could be on a more casual basis. You go to Sunday every week and acknowledge HIS presence, but you do not allow HIM to change your life. This is probably the type of relationship that Lydia had with God. However, God desires that you draw closer to HIM. The heart of Lydia was opened and she drew closer to God.

However, there is an even deeper friendship that exists and that is the type of relationship that a husband and wife should have. When a husband and wife completely join themselves together by putting the needs of the other first, when the husband loves his wife as he loves himself and the wife respects and honors her husband, then there is a new relationship where the two can become one. It is the plan of God when a couple marry that they lay aside their individual ambitions in order to be joined with their spouse to be a collective force for God.

The marriage relationship should be the deepest level of friendship. So likewise, should our walk with God be on the same level. We need to develop our personal relationship with God so that we are truly one with God. We need to give up our own personal ambitions in order to be joined with God to do that which HE desires us to do. As we learn to put the desires of God first in our life, our life will take on a whole new meaning and we will have truly a great relationship with HIM. Paul is just one example of a person who had a deep relationship with God. He completely yielded himself to God to do what the Lord desired even if it meant he was going to die.

You must add knowledge of the ways of God in your life. You must stop and consider what is your level of relationship with God. If you understand where your relationship is with God, then you can understand what the next step in your relationship with God needs to be. You need to pray that the Lord will open your heart like HE did Lydia. You need to seek the Lord and allow HIM to lead you to a more perfect relationship with HIM. Just as a husband and wife do not instantly have a deep friendship; so it takes time to develop an intimate relationship with God.

Psalms 101:3 I will set no wicked thing before mine eyes: I hate the work of them that turn aside; it shall not cleave to me.

The battle to add virtue to your life begins with the choices you make. To add virtue to your life, you need to fill your mind with that which is true, honest, just, pure, lovely, and of a good report. It is hard to fill your mind with these good things if you are placing in front of your eyes, wicked things.

You must be careful what you place in front of you. Do not be foolish in what you allow yourself to see. If something is not true, not honest, not just, not pure, not lovely, and not of a good report, then do not allow it in a place where you are going to have to think about it. You have a choice what you see, and it is up to you to guard your eyes.

In verse six of this Psalm, David proclaims “mine eyes shall be upon the faithful of the land, that they may dwell with me”. David looked for those who were faithful and surrounded himself with faithful people. David could have been a friend with just about anyone; remember, he was a national hero for killing Goliath. Nonetheless, David understood that faithful friends would help encourage him to be faithful also.

The choices you make do affect you. You cannot place wicked things before your eyes and expect to be victorious over sin. You cannot surround yourself with wicked friends and expect to grow in your faith. If you desire to please God and grow closer in your relationship with HIM, then you must first ensure that you create an environment that does not constantly encourage you do that that which is evil.

How does momma’s little boy become a drug dealer? It all starts when the boy decides to surround himself with friends that do drugs. It does not matter how many times he had told himself that he is not going to do drugs, if he surrounds himself with wrong friends, absent God’s grace, he will soon be partaking of drugs. These friends were a bad influence upon him and they encouraged him to do things that he thought he never would have done. Momma’s little boy did not control what was placed before his eyes and eventually the lure of sin entrapped him.

David never would have sinned with Bath-sheba and later killed Uriah if he had not first been at battle as other kings were. David would not have committed adultery if upon seeing Bath-sheba he had immediately walked away and filled his mind with something that is pleasing to God. David sinned because he allowed himself to be in a position where he lusted for something that God had forbidden. David sinned because he let his guard down.

Potiphar’s wife tried to seduce Joseph. Joseph was alone in the house with Potiphar’s wife and when she grabbed a hold of his garment he left his garment and fled. Joseph did not stay and let it play out for a few minutes before he attempted to flee from sin, Joseph was faced with sin and he immediately fled. You need to follow the example of Joseph. When you face an unexpected temptation, do not sit around and wait for the temptation to develop, instead, understand the importance of virtue in your life and immediately flea the temptation so that you can keep your mind pure before God.

Proverbs 31:26a She openeth her mouth with wisdom;

The fifth benefit Solomon would receive in marrying a virtuous woman would be that his wife would demonstrate wisdom. Solomon once wrote that “He that walketh with wise men shall be wise: but a companion of fools shall be destroyed.” (Prov. 13:20). By choosing a virtuous woman as a wife, Solomon would not be marrying a woman who would encourage him to do wrong but would encourage him to do what is right.

While Solomon was taught that he was to marry a virtuous woman, Solomon allowed himself to marry many strange women and “when Solomon was old, that his wives turned away his heart after other gods: and his heart was not perfect with the Lord his God, as was the heart of David his father.” (I Kings 11:4). Solomon may have been the wisest man who ever lived, but he departed from the instruction of his mother which greatly diminished his ability to finish the race that God had set before him.

Abraham had been promised that God would give him a son through Sarah. However, after many years of waiting, Abraham grew weary of waiting and thus at the prompting of Sarah, he went into Hagar and conceived a child through her. Had Sarah never suggested Abraham sleep with Hagar, it is doubtful that Ishmael ever would have been born. Because Sarah faith was small and she did not support her husband in waiting for God’s timing, the children of Israel have had a constant enemy in the Arab world today.

In the same way that Sarah encouraged her husband to do wrong, a wife can encourage her husband to do right. Esther was a godly woman whose husband had decreed to kill the entire Jewish nation. Esther’s husband may not have been a believer in God, but because God was with Esther, she was able to persuade her husband to change the laws to enable the Jews to protect themselves from utter destruction. Esther demonstrated great wisdom when she took three days to fast and pray before she even approached her husband about doing the right thing. Esther was wise in that she ensured that her husband was in the right mood to hear her grim report and the consequences of his actions. Because of her virtue which was demonstrated through her wisdom, her actions not only spared her own life and the lives of the Jews, but more importantly, it also made her husband look good and appear wise in the process.

You become what you associate with. If you associate with fools you will be destroyed. If you associate with wise men you will become wise. Understanding that your companions will have a difference in your life, you must carefully select your friends to ensure that they encourage you to do right. You do not want to have friends like Job who when his trials came, did not encourage him to do right.

When you add virtue to your life, you understand that it is a long and hard journey remaining virtuous in a society that desires to cause you to do what is right in your own eyes. As such, you need to build a network around you of people whom you encourage to do right and who also encourage you to do right. Solomon once said “if one prevail against him, two shall withstand him; and a threefold cord is not quickly broken.” (Ecclesiastes 4:12). By properly picking your spouse and your friends, you will place yourself in a position where you can succeed in life and overcome temptation.

Proverbs 31:23 Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land.

Solomon was given many characteristics of virtue that he was to look for in a woman he desired to marry. In addition to the list of outward manifestations that Solomon should look for, he was also given a list of results that would occur in his life should he demonstrate wisdom by marrying a virtuous woman. The first benefit of marrying a virtuous woman was that his stature in the community would increase.

You become what you associate with. If you hang around those who are slothful, it will be hard for you to avoid eventually becoming a sluggard. If you hang around those who are diligent, then you should eventually become a more diligent individual. A virtuous individual has many quality characteristics, by associating with a virtuous person, it will change your life as you allow your life to change.

By marrying a virtuous individual, one is making a conscience decision to associate with a person who has demonstrated a higher calling to life. However, before choosing to marry a virtuous individual, one should first examine their own life to see if God has developed the same qualities in their life. As the two become one and unite in a common vision, they will place themselves in a position where God can use them in ways that they never expected.

Whether you are looking for a spouse or looking for a friend, the success of such relationship will depend upon the similarities and quality of each individual’s relationship with the Lord. One can always continue to develop character, but one should not be looking for others to develop character that they themselves have not demonstrated.

It is important to realize that just because you are virtuous and associate with virtuous individuals, it does not mean you will rise to greatness. Jonathan and David had kindred spirit but both of them could not each be the next king of Israel. Jonathan understood this and although he technically should be the next king of Israel, Jonathan understood God’s will and thus was willing to work to make David great. Jonathan understand that his relationship with David meant that he would not be great, but he also understood that his relationship with David enabled David to be all that God desired him to be.

You do not always associate with virtuous people because of the impact that it can have on your own personal life. Sometimes, you must associate with virtuous people to help them be all that they could be. The virtuous woman that is referenced in this passage does not sit in the city gates but he joy and satisfaction come from understanding that she helped her husband succeed just as Jonathan saw David succeed.

You are supposed to add virtue to your life. You should also associate with those who demonstrate that they have virtue in their life. This association may strengthen you and enable you to do things that you never thought possible. However, this association may also be designed so that you can help someone else do more for God. No matter which position God has for you in each relationship, you have the joy of knowing that God used you to reach more people then you would have reached on your own.

Proverbs 31:13 She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands.

The third characteristic that Solomon was to look for in a wife that would help reveal her virtue was her work habits. Solomon was instructed to look for a bride who not only understood how to work but actually enjoyed working. Solomon was to look for a bride who was diligent, one who had a desire to ensure that her life was productive. If Solomon’s bride was not a productive member of society prior to their marriage, then what makes him think that she would be in a position to help him fulfill his purpose in life? If she is unwilling to do any manual labor now, why should he think that she would be willing to do manual labor once they were married?

One who is virtuous understands that God has only given them a limited time here on this earth. Because of the limited time, it is important that one redeem the time God has given wisely. An individual who is lazy and who refuses to work is a self-centered individual who is not concerned with their impact on the world but instead is only concerned about themselves. Such an attitude can be very damaging to a relationship since marriage is about two becoming one, not about having your spouse become your personal servant.

When you add virtue to your life, your perspective on life should change. No longer should you be concerned about what is best for you, but instead what is best so that you can fulfill God’s purpose for your life. As you diligently strive to do the will of God, the outward manifestation of your working habits is just one clue to those around you that you are a man or woman of character.

It is important to understand that since Solomon was to become king, any wife that he had would not be expected to work but would be waited on by a multitude of servants. However, Solomon was warned that if he married a woman of privilege who did not understand how to be diligent and how the common people put bread on the table, then such a woman would not be helpful to Solomon as he ruled as king. When Solomon wrote the book Song of Solomon, the woman that he fell in love with was not a woman of means, but a woman who was diligent in working outdoors in a vineyard.

A lazy individual thinks only of themselves and not about others. An individual who is unwilling to work is thus expecting others to meet their needs. Such an individual will not make a good spouse nor will they make a very good friend. Why would anyone desire to be around a person who is always expecting others to bail them out of their problems. Would you desire to be close friends with a person who you know that every couple weeks is going to ask you to help them out of their current problem?

It is your duty to add virtue to your life. Virtue will change your life so that one of the evidences will be that you are diligent and find joy in working. You cannot make someone else demonstrate virtue in their life but you can seek to fellowship with those who demonstrate qualities of character. While you cannot make someone else demonstrate virtue, you do have control over your life to ensure that you are putting God first in your life so that HE is glorified through you. Whether you are looking for a spouse or just desire a good friend, ensure that virtue is first evident in your life and then look for virtue in the lives of those around you.

Proverbs 31:11 The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.

What are some of the inner qualities of virtue? The very first one that is mentioned in this list of qualities is trust. Webster’s 1828 dictionary defines trust as “Confidence, a reliance or resting of the mind on the integrity, veracity, justice, friendship or other sound principle of another person.” Solomon was advised from his youth that when he chose a spouse, he must choose a spouse who he could trust. If he did not have confidence in her integrity, then how could he expect to have an oneness of spirit with his wife?

Marriage is the bringing of two separate individuals together to become one in the sight of God. If that relationship starts out with two individuals who cannot trust the other then that relationship will be extremely shaky and eventually, if there is no fear of God involved, the relationship will crumble as the parties seek their own pleasure elsewhere.

You have an obligation to God to add virtue to your life which means that you must live your life in a trustworthy manner. This means that others can look at you and see that you are a man or woman of integrity. If you say that you are going to do something, regardless of the consequences to your own life, you follow through. It should be obvious to those around you that if they share something with you in confidence that you will not be the person who is sharing it in the local gossip chain.

Every close friendship must be built upon trust. David and Jonathan trusted each other. Even though Saul desired to kill David, David trusted Jonathan to discover the truth of the matter and relay that information to him. David did not worry about Jonathan betraying him or setting up an ambush whereby he might be trapped and killed by Saul.

Whether you are seeking a spouse or desire to have a close friend, one of the things that you must look for in the relationship is your ability to trust the other person. If there is no trust, then the relationship will never deepen. You cannot control whether someone is trustworthy, but you can control whether you are trustworthy. Whether you add virtue to your life is up to you.

When soldiers fight, they must be able to trust that their fellow soldiers are going to hold their ground. An army is only as strong as its weakest link. A relationship is also only as strong as each party is able to trust the other individual. If there is even a shade of doubt, that relationship will slowly begin to crumble.

It is your duty to add virtue to your own life so that when others look at you they can trust you. You cannot expect to have a great relationship with either a friend or a spouse if they are trustworthy but you lack virtue and are not a trustworthy individual. You are accountable to God for your actions, and as you remain faithful to HIM, HE will be able to bless you in your friendships in ways you never imagined.

A friendship or a marital relationship where both parties can trust each other is extremely valuable. If God has blessed you with such a relationship, thank HIM for it and strive to work together to draw closer to HIM. If God has not blessed you with such a friendship, then it is your duty to change your life and seek for those who have done the same.

Proverbs 31:10 Who can find a virtuous woman? For her price is far above rubies.

The Hebrew word for virtuous found in this passage has a similar meaning to the Greek word for virtue that is found in 2 Peter 1:5. According to Strongs, the definition of virtue as found in 2 Peter is virtue, manliness (valor), excellence, and praise. According to Strongs, the definition of virtue as used in Proverbs is virtue, valor, strength and valiant. However, the word is also used in the Hebrew to mean a force, war, an army, power, riches and substance.

In this passage, you see a list of items that a man should be looking for in his wife. You are told that a woman who demonstrates that she has virtue in her life is extremely valuable. It is debated among scholars who actually wrote this passage but one of the more credible explanations is that these were the words of Bath-sheba to her son giving him guidance in looking for his wife.

Bath-sheba desired that her son have high standards in what he looked for in his spouse. Bath-sheba did not have her son look at outward beauty but instead desired that he look for the outward manifestation of inward character. She was very wise in guiding her son’s attention to different aspects of a future wives life that would clue him in on whether or not she had the inner character that would help assist in a long and prosperous relationship. Bath-sheba likened the finding of a virtuous woman to a ruby. Yes, rubies could be found, but it took the searcher time and effort to find the valuable gem.

By its very definition, virtue is not a quality that can only be found in women. Virtue is a quality that must be found in both men and women. In fact, in the Old Testament, the Hebrew word that is interpreted virtue is used 242 times and most of the time, it is used in its more masculine form. However, what you do learn from this passage is that not everyone automatically has virtue. You also learn that an individual who has obtained virtue is a person of great value.

A young man who is looking for a spouse is instructed to find a woman who has great character. When both the husband and wife have demonstrated that they have applied their heart and mind to the things of God, the ability of God to use this couple will be greatly increased because of the unifying of vision of the married couple.

Solomon tells us about a friend that sticks closer then a brother. This could be like the relationship David and Jonathan enjoyed. Jonathan and David’s hearts were bound to one another in a deep friendship because they saw in one another an inward character that was extremely valuable. Jonathan was a great man of war as was David, but Jonathan was willing to allow David to take the throne even though everyone thought he was entitled to it. The character of these men made the friendship sweet.

You may not be looking for a spouse and thus you might think that this Proverb is inapplicable to you. Nonetheless, you do have a choice in whom you develop close friendships with. Just as a young man is to seek after a woman who has demonstrated great character, so too must you look for close friends among those who have demonstrated they have added virtue to their lives for these are truly valuable friends.